Author Unknown

my friends tell me i don't understand women


a good question to pose to myself in private i assume

I'm sure a normal person would consider everything involved

my deaths, my wars, my wives, my children, my lack of center, my time spent in foreign countries, my obsession with loss

all of these give birth to me daily

they seem to be my keepers and to them i bring half of my grief

the other half i keep close so as not to fade away

the elusive man inside me hides his eyes and sleeps in all of them

i still consider the advice my mother gave me

" never marry a woman who can't sing you to sleep"

i never did, couldn't find one and thus i don't sleep

a boy takes wives by being forcefully inept and a man seems to step into any woman’s life

by being completely blunt

this proves that my life has thus far gone the way of most perfection over the ages and

that is to shit (pitiful that my father was right all along)

i believe it all started when i was just a toddler

i remember crawling to a tree and begging it to tell me what it was beyond itself

i suffered my whole childhood without ever knowing it, this I'm sure of

early in the morning a woman wakes me up

she is not my lover so i cannot recognize her

she is the future and very desperate to please me

she smiles and turns to leave

i speak to her in a calm yet with all intentions of being cruel voice

"wait, you are the perfect one, i can see right through you"

in the bed next to us my father lays sleeping and mumbling something about

playing solitaire in the dark, memorizing the pattern of pain in fire and of course my mother

his mumbling subsides after which he jumps up and says " it is what it is"

and they were both gone

i had a dream last night

one in which the future had come back for me again

i had to painfully explain to her that i wasn't ready

she held back the tears for both of us and smiled like the bark of a tree

far beyond itself

as i grew up and more confused she grew perfectly real

i remember her touching the scar on my chin years later

i asked her to stop as she was trying to make her way inside me

trying to get to me

in fear of love and death as if they were connected somehow

i asked her to kindly get out for she was just like me and would surely ruin all that i was

she smelled of fear as i pushed and pulled her away

my fathers voice still echoes in my head when i make love to the future

"it is what it is"

and he's gone