Over the course of hundreds of years that we’ve been together you’ve been by my side, tangled in numerous tall tales:
We’ve slept full weekends at a time only waking to eat and greet each other and go back to bed
In our heads we’ve ridden the illustrious “Bacon Train” through the kitchen full of restaurants staff and out onto the buffet line with you know who as the conductor
You’ve attempted to flood a small hotel room on the east coast with a Jacuzzi
We’ve flown in and out of so many cities and remote airports, driven thousands of miles holding hands till they got sweaty
It’s all been amazing, all hazy and dream like
The good has always outweighed the bad
You’ve been an avid Bow-master of the universe
Which leads me to believe that money has always been an elusive and evil creature even while we were thousandaires
I’ve seen you do so many magic tricks, create steam with just ice cubes wrapped in a hand towel, destroy a big mac with your magical powers and make the twins thick oily shots disappear nightly for what seemed to be months on end
There was that mattress in NC that someone committed suicide on and the old man with the pop bottle glasses that had to put his good eye on our map
Speed traps in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere kept us on our toes diggin diggin diggin
I can barely recall someone dressed in a black costume curling up on the end of our bed like a small cat cause he didn’t want to face the girl he brought home
Deployments have lasted years and years
I love the fact that usually within a few months you’ll ask “where next”?
Dr Damian had absolutely nothing but wonderful things to say to me about you
We never once used the names Laviathyn or Monolith although are original, extravagant and enticing
I’m sure we have both come to the realization that I just can’t cook
I’m still working on your diamond fund
As for the best advice, women are just like shoes, you have to put them on and walk around in them and make sure that they fit
Flash to you in a picture wearing my pt shirt and the next picture of you wearing a pair of shorts that say “game cocks” across the butt
Many many many times your halo has outweighed my horns and a few times visa versa
You know me better than I could have ever imagined possible
Wellbutrin is and will forever be my sworn enemy almost as much as Kismet, KS, I’m positive you have no idea what transpired that night
I remember watching stars and asking for a kiss….
There’s a beach I’d like to revisit but maybe with a bigger ring in the trunk this time
You are my better half regardless of what you think
I’m positive I’ll never be able to afford all the things you want but I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me
I’ll never understand why I was so tired after YOU gave birth to the twins
There have been fights and then there have been fights but eventually we always met in the middle
So many tests, one after another after another as if someone is sitting under and a cypress tree somewhere messing with our lives
We’ve always had just enough patience, understanding, intimacy, mercy admissions of weakness, trust and desire but we can’t forget that poly urethane sheets are full of so many allergens
We’ve had defining moments, hundreds of high fives and fist bumps, moments of victory that only awesome parents share when they outsmart their children
Witnessed our fair share of Scooby doo and sponge bob
Lettuce is still a vegetable that will forever band around in the outer recesses of my mind
Hands are good, hell they may even be the best after this long
I still have all the routes to all the clinics and hospitals memorized from NJ
Poetry set to memory
Complex and involved as if it were encompassing the world and everything that defines who we are and what we’ve become
At one point I didn’t talk to you for at least a week if memory serves me correctly
I’m positive that we are both way to compromising, passive aggressive
Some pushing and pulling, giving and taking
I’ve never met nor I plan to meet anyone who irons as well as you
I think I’ve fallen asleep on the phone with you a few times but not during our two day phone call in 2004
There’s a place in Fayetteville we should get back to before we get to old to dance
We’ve been lucky in the neighbors we’ve had over the years, some characters but almost all seemed as if they were pulled out of some hilarious paramount movie
You’ve always been there for me, my motivator, my partner in crime, my outlet but most importantly my friend and soul mate
Both of us have made some insane mistakes…..yours were always forgiven before you made them
To date we’ve had children: eat handlebars, climb light poles, fall off of bikes face first, jump off of counters face first, trip up and down stairs, dress the dog in bbq sauce, break an assortment of bones, chip teeth, lots and lots of fights, almost catch the living room on fire, escorted home, escape outside and knock on the neighbors door only to be brought home……naked, and most important love us unconditionally.
I remember a baby monitor under someone’s bed and the kids playin with our digital camera
Our oldest son truly believes he’s twenty at times and our oldest daughter acts like she’s thirty except fore when she’s trying to figure out the two days the twins were born on
I still get a kick out of watching our little army boy run around the yard with a stick shooting anything that moves and making helicopter noises
Hundreds and hundreds of letters traveled thousands of miles between the two of us, confessing and professing our undying unwavering love to one another
I can honestly say that neither of us is any good with money but we are perfect for one another in every form and fashion
Our kids are growing up way too fast and several times I’ve come to the realization that we are inadvertently growing up with them
If you ever find yourself alone or scared or confused look deep down inside your heart and you’ll see me standing there naked with a sign that says “ I love you, everything is going to be fine, do you want a coke”?
I guess all that I’ve really been trying to say here is here is Thank You for e-mailing me.
Happy Mother’s Day Elizabeth Susan Harper
Love,
Your husband and best friend
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